Trudging Along

Well here we are in April already. I guess 2017 is going to be a fast year. It's a busy week here at school, with seven concerts over five days. A total of, I believe, 34 concerts throughout the 30 days of April. Yikes. But that's typical. It's become the norm so much that it doesn't even weigh on my mind anymore. I just trudge along on autopilot, mostly. One concert here. Another there. A festival there. Another week gone by. Repeat.

It's hasn't been on autopilot at home though, as Connor was sick, then Whitney was sick, and now Minnie is nearing her final days. So I've been kept busy trying to see things in order as best I can with the limited time I'm there due to my work schedule. Minnie's actually been slowly going downhill since early January, and she stopped eating altogether in February. In recent weeks she at least licked at her soft food, and probably ingested some bits of nutrients. It's funny how cats seem to know it's their time to go, and just stop eating. Mickey was the same way.

It's gotten pretty sad in the last week, actually. She's lost so much strength that she can barely walk, and in fact she's lost all function of her front left paw. It just dangles limply as she stumbles about. But she can only move a couple of feet before needing to rest, and though it;s hard to tell, I think she's losing feeling in the left rear paw as well. She's long lost the ability to jump up to or down from things. She still purrs appreciatively when you pet her, and at least she doesn't seem to be in any pain per se. But the quality of life is certainly going down.

Every morning I wake up and check to see if she's still with us. Every evening when I get home I do the same. I admit I always kind of hope that she's passed on when I find her, hidden under the clothes in the closet or under the bed. Which I know sounds bad, but the reality is I'd much rather have her go on her own, peacefully, than for me to have to make a decision and do something to relieve her torment. But we're running out of time on that; it's already pretty sad seeing her struggle to move around with partial paralysis. I think if she hasn't passed in the next couple of days I may have to take her in. And that would be the saddest thing. I've had to do that before.

But for today, and at least tomorrow anyway, I'm still just trudging along.