I'm not quite back into playing shape yet. I mean, I haven't played the upright bass since...well last year's LOTS production I guess. The fingers tend to forget where they need to go. Just a little bit. But it will come back to me. Slowly but surely. I mean, it always does.
Hopefully I'll see some familiar faces in the audience for this show. I usually do. I've been around the block enough, this being my 34th or 35th show or so, that I've seen and met a lot of people who run in the musical theatre circles. New ones are always adding to it, to be sure, but many of the old ones are still there as well. It is fun, to be a part of that world, that family, again; I haven't had a lot of opportunities in the last five years. At least not as many as I used to.
So most of the rest of today, outside of rehearsal and after turning over Connor for the week, I spent going through my substantial digital photo library on my computer. I've kept them pretty organized over the years, with albums chronologically ordered dating back to 2006, separated by events. This wasn't a stroll down memory lane, or at least it wasn't originally meant to be. It was meant to be a purging of sorts, to get rid of memories - and people - I just don't want to come across my screen anymore. I'd like to think this was an important step towards the cleansing of my soul, towards branching out into a new life and leaving the old one behind. But my soul still feels tarnished.
It's interesting to note how much photography has improved since 2006. Technology has grown leaps and bounds, and cameras today are far superior to what existed back then. Of course, my eye and skill has improved as well, I guess. You don't think about it much as you're going through life's events and trying to capture each precious moment. But I suppose after taking thousands upon thousands of photographs, anyone will improve. I have grown a lot.
You ever wonder what happened to all the people you've met over the years? Over the last quarter of a century at Sac State, I've seen thousands of people come and go. Some I used to be rather close to. To most I was not. Some have gone on and made remarkable lives for themselves. Most have not. Most have just melted away into the fabric of society, never to cross my path again. It is the way of things, I guess.
I was wondering tonight as I went for my sunset walk, what became of certain people I knew 20, 25 years ago. Before the time of social media. Before cell phones and text messages and all of those things that link us together in today's world. There were people I liked, people I hung out with, people I've subsequently never heard from again. Where did they all go? Do they ever wonder about the past, and what might have been had we taken a left turn here or there instead of a right? Who knows what may be different today, had one little thing, 20 or 25 years ago, worked out differently. Guess we'll never know. But it's an interesting thought experiment, as I trudge along the path watching the crimson sunset on the horizon. What may have been?
So now, back at home, as I sit at the computer remembering many times and experiences I've had - and remembering some even earlier that never made it to digital film - I cannot help but become a little nostalgic. All of these snapshots, capturing moments in time. I cannot help but wonder, What If? What if I had made one different turn, here or there. Or two or three. But I have to stay focused; I'm on a mission after all. Slowly erasing those memories and people that were once joyous parts of my life, but are now at best bittersweet. With emphasis now on the bitter, I suppose. So it goes.
Click. Delete. Click. Delete. Repeat. Goodbye.
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