A New Month. Same Old Thing.

Well here we are into May already, and I'd like to report that the world has returned to its normal level of insanity. I'd like to report that, but I'd be lying. We're still under a stay at home order, although different towns and states are talking about cautiously re-opening businesses. About re-opening life. I guess we'll never know if the original social distancing and enhanced cleaning procedures would have had any effect, as we basically shut down the world right after we started trying them. Oh well. Lives were saved, presumably. Though many have been lost, over 60,000 nationwide at last count. Someone posted a meme on Facebook that this virus has killed more Americans than the Vietnam War. So it goes. Anyways. Back to my reality.

It's Saturday now, after a "work week" which mostly involved me entertaining Connor. With no school, no BASE, and no grandparents to watch him, I'm his sole caretaker on the weeks I have him. So I'm technically on Paid Administrative Leave on the weeks I have him. I'm one of the lucky ones; I still have an income through all this. Connor is, at the moment, on a video chat with his "girlfriend". He's not much of boyfriend material, frankly. But of course he's 6. He's more interested in playing games than interacting with a live person - at least a girl anyway. And she just wants to...talk. Heh. Women. Well, he'll get there.

But I'm taking advantage of the interruption to blather away on this blog, again typing from my new laptop while sitting on the couch. I wish I had more to say. We've gotten into a routine, or at least I have, much like I had a routine when the world was sane. It's just a different routine now, that's all. We fill the days with bike rides and school assignments on the iPad, and playing legos and doing puzzles and playing Minecraft. And watching TV. And well, eating of course. There's always that. I try and get outside as much as possible, because it's beautiful right now. The perfect time of year, and not too hot to boot. But even in these days of self-isolation, it's good to keep a routine. To keep busy. When will things change? When will we be allowed to go back to work, to play outside with other kids, to go get a haircut? Who know, who knows. I say that a lot, I think. I did before, too. Life is nothing if not uncertain.

I need some beach time. And a really good walk.

Anyways, life is trudging on, with more and more protests popping up against the stay at home order. I don't think it will last too much longer, personally. I don't think it CAN. People are getting too restless. And maybe it's okay. I think we can open up things and still social distance. And still use enhanced cleaning procedures. And still avoid passing viruses around. It can't be any worse than being in the grocery stores and at gas stations and so on, as we are now. Am I wrong? Or just overly optimistic? Who knows, who knows.

And oh yeah - I started growing out my facial hair again. Or at least, I stopped shaving. Let's see how long it last this time. It's May now, and the days are floating by effortlessly now. At least from the planet's perspective I suppose. Has it really been over 6 weeks since this all began? A new month. And, well, the same old thing.

What Day Is It Again?

Well, here we are on Sunday evening, 37 days into our shelter in place order due to the COVID-19 outbreak. Or 59 days. Or 26 days. Or 42. I mean, really, who knows? The days have just kind of flown by and melted into one another, like little cubes of ice melting in a big glass of water. Life has just been one big glass of stay at home isolation. Which, for introverts like myself, isn't that big of a deal, to be honest. It's kind of, dare I say, fun. At times. And in certain ways.

Extroverts must be going out of their minds right about now.

Actually I see it's been 20 days since I last wrote here. Almost three weeks! Has it really been that long? Days melting away. I took the opportunity to grow out my facial hair. Or perhaps I was just too lazy or not inspired enough to shave. In any case, this is the longest I've let my face just...grow. It's not too bad, or at least not as bad as I thought it would look. Too much grey though. When did I get old? Well anyways, I shaved it right after this photo was taken. Baby face! And this took nearly two weeks to grow. Yeah, my facial hair doesn't grow fast.

So here I sit, alone at home, my son gone off to his mother's house for the week. Routine routine routine. I'm on the couch typing on my new MacBook Pro, which I just received via FedEx yesterday. My own treat to myself, I suppose. Or a belated birthday present? My old iMac Mini, from late 2014, is still kicking. But it's slowing down. Quite noticeably, in fact. I often have to get up and walk away while it's trying to process simple tasks. So this new computer will give me a burst of speed, not to mention a whole lot more portability. Did I mention I'm sitting on the couch? I could be sitting anywhere, really. But the point is, I'm not confined to a desk. Or, as it happens, the kitchen table, which is where my Mini currently sits. Now I have to get used to having a smaller screen size, hopefully not straining my eyes too much. I could have gotten the 16" model - maybe I should have - but it was $600 more than this 13.3" one. So, money saved.

It remains to be seen how long we're all going to be under this stay at home order. A few weeks, a few months. My Alaska cruise for June has been cancelled, and all summer events at Sac State have been likewise scrubbed. There's already whispers of maintaining social distancing and relying heavily on online teaching when the fall semester resumes. Ha - I talk like the spring semester is already over. It should be in full swing at this point, with music filling the halls and 8 concerts a week. Now, nothing. Silence. But it's too early to tell at this point what the fall will hold. I think by then, anything outside of our "normal" ways will be more precautionary than anything. No one really knows enough about this virus. But everyone is scared of it. Well, except all of the young people out at the parks playing volleyball and those creating small protests against this shut down, which are popping up here and there.

And I get it. I mean, I'm an introvert, and in general I loathe shopping. But I miss being able to shop normally and at whatever store I choose, instead of just picking from the few that are actually still open. And I miss being able to go out to eat too, not that I did it much, but every once in awhile it's a nice way to get out of the house. And I miss seeing people and talking face to face and going to the movies. And I miss hugs. But for now, I'll shop online and pick up things from the front curb of stores, and in general spend a lot more time walking out in nature instead of enjoying the pleasures of old. And all in my own little neighborhood community. Where, incidentally, golden poppies are blooming in scattered patches across the fields.

I miss my day trips to San Francisco, to my soul city.

So tomorrow is...Monday. I think. Time to resume something resembling work, from the comfort of my kitchen table. And we'll see how much can be done, and how much the world situation improves. There's already various cities across this country talking about resuming something like "normal" life. Or at least, reducing the restrictions and allowing more stores to reopen in some capacity. We'll see what happens, I suppose. And I'm sure that in 2 or 5 or 9 days from now, I'll again be wondering: What day is it again?

The Apocalypse: Week 2.5

So it's been 10 days since my first apocalyptic post. We're still here. Life is still trudging onward. Tonight is actually the evening before my 45th birthday. It doesn't really feel like it. Of course that's a small first-world problem, as the saying goes. I'm still healthy, I'm still getting a paycheck despite the majority of my workload being eliminated in recent weeks. So I have a lot to be thankful for, in these uncertain times. But it's definitely surreal, as birthday seasons go.

The earth is making out pretty well. There's been numerous stories smattered all over social media about the water and the air clearing up, the ozone layer repairing itself, and so on. One of my friends on Facebook remarked something to the effect that the earth is finally getting a breather. A break. A vacation from...us. Good for her, good for her. She needed it.

I'm sure we'll soon mount a resurgence and wreck it all again. It's what we're good at, after all.

Ironically, this week is (was?) our scheduled spring break at Sac State. We were already meant to be on vacation now. And now the whole world is on break. Connor would have still had school this week, so I probably would not have gone very far anyway. But I've been given to understand that air fares are really low right now. Though, where could we go? Everything everywhere is closed.

How long will this last? Hard to say. It seems like everyday there's a new announcement of some escalation of the situation. We haven't even waited long enough to see if social distancing worked. And now the national social distancing order from Der Fuhrer has been extended another month. Though they're supposed to start throwing peanuts at us soon, in the form of $1200 stimulus/relief checks. Again...if I was was someone who had lost my source of income from this mess, it would be both an insult and a saving grace.

But hey, who's going to turn down free money?

In the meantime, tomorrow I'll wake up and likely start seeing the annual barrage of Happy Birthday notices on Facebook as I slowly age onward. Should be a hoot. I'll probably make cupcakes for myself and Connor. Maybe we'll ride our bikes to the donut shop for a freshly baked breakfast treat. Because, well, they're still open. And we'll see what new directives might be thrown our way from our trusty government overlords.

Woohoo birthday.

The Evening Muse

So I took a walk this evening just before sunset, as I so often do on weeks without my son. And I suppose it was just a little more poignant than usual, what with this COVID-19 virus going around and all of us under orders to shelter at home. But no, I wasn't evading these orders, as we're certainly even now encouraged to go for walks, to get fresh air. We jjust have to stay away from other people (at least 6 feet!). As a professional introvert, this isn't even a challenge.

But anyway, it was a cool and windy day with bursts of light rain here and there, which further helped to keep people locked up indoors I suppose. When I did this walk earlier today it was like being in the TV show The Last Man on Earth, which ironically enough was about a virus that wiped out most of the human race. But in the first couple of episodes, the star would wander around city streets which now appeared abandoned and wholly devoid of life. Yeah, it was kind of like that. But every once in awhile a car would rumble past and awaken my wistful reverie, and remind me that we haven't gotten THAT bad. Yet.

In any case, this evening the sun was busy setting and painting the sky in a vast landscape of colors, as it often does. As is often the case, the colors change and morph so frequently, becoming ever and ever more majestic and brilliant, that each time you glance up it is a whole new painting, seemingly more glorious than before. But each scene only lasts a brief moment, before passing on, and eventually it winds down into something dark and mysterious as the sun inevitably drops below the horizon. You almost never know what the peak, the most beautiful and awe-inspiring moment, will be, until it has passed. And then it only exists in memory. But I may have caught it tonight, however clumsy it may appear being taken with just a cell phone.

For me, anyway, the sunset inspires deep thought and reflection. A friend of mine posited a question on Facebook today about whether we tend to pray, or meditate, or do both. I responded that I do neither; rather I go for walks and contemplate life. Tonight's series of paintings provided the perfect environment for that. I suppose one could argue that it is after all a form of meditation. Maybe so; but I fear I'm not worthy enough to judge it in that regard. What I will say is this: the sunset can be seen as something as a metaphor for life. It starts off slow and builds to a series of climaxes, ever changing, while simultaneously retaining the capacity for both the extraordinary and the dismally gloomy. The mysterious. The unknown. The life of the sunset passes by in moments. While in our life, hours may pass slowly, but the hours turn into days and the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into years. And then the years turn to decades. And before you know it, you're at the sunset - the twilight - of your life. Well, I'm not quite there yet. At least, I hope not. Who can say? In any case, life is passing us by pretty quickly, and looking back at all of those years it's hard to believe just how much time has passed by. Like the ever-changing sunset, the paintings of the past exist only in memory now.

So what does all this mean? I don't know. Maybe it means nothing. More likely I am just not worthy enough to figure that one out. Or maybe I did, long ago, and never really realized it. Who can say? But it's past 8:00pm now, and the passage of time continues slowly but under a shroud of darkness. And before you know it, a new day will dawn upon us. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens then. Am I too much of an observer?? Quite possibly. Something to ponder at a later time, or perhaps over another sunset.

The Apocalypse: Week One

Well it's Friday evening, and we've survived one week of a virtual shutdown of our way of doing things in American society. In one week we went from working at home and no classes meeting at school (and most K-12 schools closed) to a statewide stay-at-home order. Restaurants and bars are closed (except for take out food service), theme parks and sporting venues are closed, as are libraries and community centers and movie theatres and musical theatre venues. Pretty much any business not providing what is deemed an "essential" service is closed. Heck, even the local Great Clips stores are closed. And I could use a haircut right about now. So could Connor. So too, probably, could many people's pets. But guess what? The grooming salons at Pet Smart are closed too.

So what's it like under a stay-at-home order? Well honestly, not much different than a holiday. People are still encouraged to go for walks and bike rides and runs, just maintaining social distancing. And they do. And they are, for the most part. Me and Connor have done quite a few bike rides this week. Actually we've done 2-3 each day. And even today, the first day of this 'new' order, there were still some people out and about. Not as many as you'd expect on a bright and sunny and seemingly perfect day. It kind of felt like Christmas morning, with as few people were around. Albeit a tad warmer. A slow, quiet, and relaxing day off. Except we have the gloom of this virus hanging over us.

I've tried to speak in only general terms with Connor about what's going on. I mean, from his point of view, it's probably business as usual. I mean yes, he's not in school and has been doing online class meetings each day as well as online reading and math exercises to keep his brain fresh and active. But I doubt he's grasping the severity of the situation. He probably sees it as any other holiday from school. And he's approaching life with all the vigor and optimism of youth that one would expect from someone so young. Perhaps we all need to have this sort of happy-go-lucky attitude as we ride out this storm. And honestly, working from home isn't too bad. Although the volume of work from my standpoint has been drastically reduced with all of our events indefinitely postponed. We haven't ventured out to stores much since this started, so I've only gotten mostly online glimpses of how bare the shelves at stores are getting. First went the toilet paper, then the paper towels, then cleaning supplies of all sorts. Then went the food. But it will be restocked. It should be. And as long as people don't keep hoarding stuff in a frenzied panic, we shouldn't have any issues. I'm provisioned enough, at least, for the time being. I still have an unopened 6-pack of toilet paper from last year.

It's all surreal, in many ways. On one hand feeling like we're on the wrong side of a major world war in a bygone era. But on the other hand, as I rode my bike today through the fresh air with the sun shining and the voluptuous puffy white clouds slowly drifting by, the world seemed serene. Calm. Peaceful. If one can excuse such flowery and happy adjectives uttered in these times we're now living in. This was just one of many pictures I took today. I couldn't believe the beauty of it all; looking up at the sky one almost felt like they were living in a dream. It was hard to believe on a day like today that there was anything truly bad lurking out there in the shadows, hiding on the droplets of others' breaths. How bad might this get? No one knows. The virus' bark may be worse than its bite. Only time will tell. In the meantime, life steams ahead, as best it can.

What will next week bring? I'll be at home for most of it, treading the line between work and leisure as best I can. I will attempt at some point a trip to the grocery store for some basics. Milk. Bread. Eggs. The usual suspects. Assuming of course that they have anything left by then. If not, well, I'll make do. We all will, by and by. What else can we do?

I hope that life will return to normal sooner than later, and that the seemingly irresponsible quotes of our political leaders proclaiming how bad this COULD be, will be proven false. That this time will go down in history as being a pandemic that "wasn't too bad", in the grand scheme of things. Which is not to take lightly anyone who is currently suffering or has passed away. Because they are out there, lives have been lost. But 20 or 30 years from now - assuming I haven't passed on myself by then - I hope to tell my grandchildren the story of the panic of 2020, and how we also felt like the apocalypse was upon us. But then it suddenly wasn't. It's a good fantasy, no?

The Sky Is Falling!

So, it seems entirely possible that the world is ending. Too bad we can't broadcast these things into outer space; maybe several millennia from now some other beings would get our messages and visit here and wonder what kind of life once existed on this planet. Everyone is going nuts right now, and businesses and schools are closing left and right. I saw a opinion piece on Facebook today that asserted that more people will go bankrupt from this virus than will die from it. Disneyland is closed at least a couple of weeks. So is the hit musical Hamilton in San Francisco. And Dear Even Hansen on Broadway. Princess cruises has stopped sailing all of its ships for at least 60 days. Disney has halted all of its ships for at least two weeks. And so many others, there's no way I could list or even keep up with them all. And there's no end in sight. All of these things are going to have massive trickle effects into the economy.

And yes, I realize that "massive trickle" is something of an oxymoron.

It's hard, sometimes, not to jump on the bandwagon. I mean, does anyone else who normally considers themselves pretty rational have the sudden urge to go out and buy huge amounts of toilet paper?? I checked the Safeway on J Street and Alhambra this morning. They still have some! But it's becoming more and more rare. Fortunately spring is almost upon us, so if nothing else we will soon have lots of leaves on the trees...

Closer to home here at Sac State, all public events are cancelled for the rest of the semester. Some of our concerts we are still hoping to present but in an online format only. All classes are cancelled most of next week so professors can work on transitioning all of the course materials to online formats, for those classes where it's even possible to do so. I spent all of yesterday just doing damage control on our calendars and events and web postings and scheduling things. Still working on some of it. At least it will be quiet around here next week, if nothing else. And hey, I don't have to be here by 6am Saturday morning to set up for a festival either.

But life will go on, we hope. I hope we will return to some sense of normalcy soon though, as this whole situation is stressing everyone out. In the meantime, I'm waiting to see if people start popping up on the streets with signs declaring that the "end of the world is nigh!". Or perhaps they'll just run through the towns like Chicken Little, screaming "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" I guess all we can do is sit and wait it out as best we can. And maybe hoard some more toilet paper; it gives us something to do anyway.